Have you sat down today and read your child a book?  did a puzzle or colored a picture?  Told your daughter how pretty she is in her tu-tu and tights?  Told your little guy how tough he looks when he hits that tree with his stick?  Your kids need you to be there and they need you to talk to them.  When our kids are small we get so tired of all the questions, all the “Why Mommy?’s” and the “How come?’s” that we often forget to answer them.  In a few years, if you don’t take the time to answer all these seemingly small questions, the bigger questions won’t be asked of you. They won’t trust you with their big questions.  They’ll think you don’t care or don’t have time to answer or don’t know the answer.  Who do you want answering the questions about sexual purity, about how to handle the catty girl fights, how to deal with a bully, about what is happening to their body, or about who God really is.

Take time today to build trust, earn their respect.  Give them your respect.  Engage in their lives.  Make life fun.  Find their hearts and reach out to them. Take your son with you when you go to change the tire or fix the washing machine.  Let your daughter help choose your outfit for  your date with your husband.  Spending time, lots of time, with them so that you can be there when the big questions are asked.

Tying heart strings with your child is so important.  It builds trust, respect and a relationship that you both are longing for that will last a life time.

So, I was in church on Sunday.  It’s been three weeks since I was sitting in church.  I was starting to get comfortable with the idea of not going, which is bad.  I’m a little detached from the church that’s been my home for the last ten years.  My family has been serving at an Hispanic congregation for about 2 years now and that obligation is also changing, so, we have found ourselves unattached to a church body.  I’m not worried about this for various reasons I’ll get into in another post, but, suffice it to say, God is taking care of us and watching over us always.

Well, I was listening to the sermon and I had one of my kids on my knee (Ashley, I think) and I was constantly getting attention from the little boy in front of me.  He’s a really cute little guy with a big smile and lots of joy in his heart.  At least, that’s how he was that morning.  As soon as I caught his eye I gave him a little cross-eyed stare.  I can’t resist trying to make kids smile.  So, we were trading crazy glances (much to his grandma’s shegrin) and I suddenly realized I was probably distracting others from the sermon, so I stopped.  Of course, the flood gates were opened and he kept trying to get my attention.  Leaning this way and that, chattering and such, trying to get me to smile back at him.  I wanted, desperately, to grab him up and play with him because, I’m pretty sure, his father is not around.  I know his mother and her family are doing everything that they can to raise this little guy, and they’re doing a great job.  They love him, they teach him.  My heart goes out to him because as much as they try, there is one thing I’m afraid they’re going to have difficulty with…and that’s teaching him how to be a man.

I can tell this little guy wants to wrestle around and grunt and smash stuff and hang out with the guys and do all the “dude” stuff that little men need to do.  That’s important, but more so, I see him ten years from now, confused, upset, struggling with manhood and trying to define his masculinity.  Boys need a man to show them how to be a man, it’s that simple.  If you want to learn how to be an electrician, you don’t spend your time with a plumber.  God has designed man and woman for very specific roles in the family and there’s just some things one can’t do that the other can.  I am not judging anyone, especially not the mother, or any other single parent.  I am making the observation that this young man and many others like him are  missing a vital part of their childhood development.

So, what’s the solution?  I hate blogs and articles that love to point out the problem and poo-poo those responsible.  I’m not saying I’ve got the solution for everything wrong with relationships and children without both parents, but I have an action step for you guys out there (and for myself.)  If you’re a guy out there, find a kid that needs you!  This will probably be easier if you are married and have kids of your own because you don’t want to freak out the mom, but every situation is different.  Find a child that needs a father figure and be it for them.  This isn’t as easy as I’m making it sound.  There’s a lot of committment and it’s very important that you don’t do it half-way.  Your church probably has father-son outings or retreats or something.  If you’re taking your boy/s, then offer to take another one.  It’s not that hard (take it from me, I’ve got six kids) to add a kid to whatever you’re doing.  If you’re hanging out at home, invite a little guy to come over and hang out with you and your kids.  Everyday you are modeling how to be a man to your children, you may as well add a child that doesn’t have that experience as often as you can.  I’m sure you won’t have to reach far into your social network to find a child that desperately needs a father figure.  So, man up and get into the lives of the children in your community.

I’ve got one last word for the men who father these children (I’m sure this won’t get read by too many of you, but if you happen to find yourself here reading this, then consider it divine intervention,) the generational implications of your lustful desires and poor judgment are far-reaching and very difficult to reverse.  You can repent of your sin and work to make your child’s life better.  You may have made mistakes in the past, but you are capable of turning around your life and your child’s!

So, tonite I got to go on a date with my wife.  I love her perspective so much, but before I spend the whole post gushing over my beautiful bride (which I could easily do) I want to talk about something she said tonite.

“You’re really good at starting things…you should focus on that,” she said.  She was encouraging me to focus on my strengths.  I was driving down the road.  It reminded me of learning to drive with my dad back when I was 12.  I love the sound of a rock road under my tires.  We went for a ride out in the country to a piece of land that idealizes one of our goals as a family.  We would like to live in the country where each kid could have an acre of their own to roam.  At first, it wasn’t too much to ask, but with six of the wonderful little blessings, it’s a bit more of a challenge!  We were talking about finances and getting out of debt and how it seems sometimes like such a long road and it’s hard to tell if we’re getting anywhere.  Anyway, I struggle with a bad case of the can’t-seem-to-finish-what-I-starts.  It’s nothing new.  In fact, it’s a skill I’ve perfected over the past couple of decades.  Cindy is always looking at how to best use what she’s been given.  As a mother of 6 and a husband of me, she finds herself having to do that a lot!  Seriously, though, she is very positive and resourceful, especially when it comes to my abilities and skills.  She really knows how to encourage me to do my best.  That’s what she was doing with that statement.

Here I was getting myself down because I can’t seem to finish things.  We both recognize that I’m great at starting a family (6 kids, remember?) and the potential hazard my affliction holds for us if I don’t work on this and end up “not finishing” as a father.  I don’t want to get to the home stretch and run out of steam on little Sammy or Petey (that’s my little girl).  My youngest children deserve every bit of my attention as a father as the rest.  Not only do they deserve it, but the need it.

I look at all the things I want to do with my business, with ministries.  I picture myself writing books, getting involved in politics, making films or using my photography to make some profound artistic statement.  All of these things are constantly bombarding my brain and asking for my attention.  All the while, Isaac, my wonderful little guy, is tugging at me asking to play a game or read with him, or play Transformers or just wrestle around.  He needs me.  I believe Satan is distracting me with, seemingly, legitimate ideas, goals and missions.  I need to remember that my focus needs to be Isaac and his “distracting” requests.  If I can focus on my children and help them to know the Lord and succeed in keeping them on the path, then I will reap rewards much greater than I can imagine.  Life changing rewards that my family will experience for generations to come.

My children are not older yet, but now is a great opportunity for me to focus on the road ahead and finishing what I started.  If there is anything on this earth I want to finish…

My dad never got rid of anything and he was always prepared.  I remember he always kept a band-aid in his wallet.  I still have pretty much everything in the truck that dad had.  ”You never know” he’d say, “when you’re going to need something.”  In fact, I have all dad’s tools and more than once I’ve said to Cindy, “I bet dad has a fix for this!”  I’ll go out to the garage and dig around a little and come up with a plumb-bob or a finishing nail set or a battery post scrubber.  He never got rid of anything and he was always prepared.  I want to pass this on to my kids.  Only, I want to go one step further.  I want my kids to be prepared for anything God wants them to do.  I want them to prepare their hearts, their souls, for the spiritual battle that is in their future.  Dave Ramsey always says “Visa’s got a plan!”  Well, I say “Satan’s got a plan!”  He’s got a plan for ruining my family.  He’s going to try and use my vices, my weaknesses, my children’s naive hearts.  He’s going to try and steal their innocence through the TV and the internet.  I want them to have a plan, so I’d better have a plan.  In the past, at times, I’ve thought to myself, “You are not ready to be a father!”  But, that, too, is part of Satan’s plan.  He wants me to believe that I don’t deserve to be the father of these children.  The plan has ALWAYS been for me to have these children.  God’s plan has always been for me to raise them.  I just need to stick to the plan.  We all need to accept the ministry we have before us…our children.  Don’t make it a secondary task that takes a backseat to even the most noble callings.  His plan for you and your family will be revealed to you as you seek out guidance from the Holy Spirit.

Have a great day and God bless,
—Jason

I have the great opportunity to volunteer with a wonderful organization, Christian Heritage.  I am working on a new program they are implementing in the Nebraska Correctional System.  The strategy of the program is to offer an opportunity to inmates to talk for 15 minutes, on video, to their children.  Then, the videos are delivered to their families.  Inmates are encouraged to read books, discuss their days, ask the children questions, etc., in an effort to connect, or re-connect, with them.  The program is a “franchise” of the Messages Project.  The Messages Project was started by Carolyn LeCroy.  She came to Lincoln for three days to train our group on how to shoot these videos and work the program.  She has a big heart and is outspoken about the impact this program can have on the lives of the inmates and their children.  

During our first shoot at the Nebraska State Penitentiary, I was having a conversation with Carolyn, a volunteer and an inmate.  He was waiting to go in and shoot his video for his children.  Carolyn asked him what he did to get in jail…he said “B & E.”  She asked if it was drug related (as it most always is) and he said “No.  I had no choice, my family needed food and I had no job and I…”

She interrupted him, “Now wait a minute, that is criminal thinking.  You can’t think like that and expect to get paroled.  What do you think the parole board would say if you rationalized your crime like that to them?  The world doesn’t ‘owe’ you anything.  There are other ways to provide for your family other than breaking in to someone’s house and stealing.”  (This is a paraphrase.)  He kind of murmured and agreed.  It was an epiphany moment for me.  I see  a huge lesson for my kids and it wasn’t long before I could put it into action.

I’ve been having a few issues with my oldest boy.  He has been thinking like a criminal.  He’s constantly rationalizing his bad behavior.   He feels as though he is “entitled” to certain things.  So, I explained to him how that kind of thinking is what gets criminals into the habit of crime.

• “It’s not fair!”
• “They started it!”
• “I didn’t mean to hit him in the face, I just swung at him and that’s where it landed.  It’s not my fault!”
• Lying
• Cheating at games 

These, and more, are all examples of excuses you could hear in your kitchen, or from inmates at your local correctional facility.  The idea that your own actions are not the cause of the consequences you currently face is “criminal thinking.”  I tried my best to illustrate this for my kids because I think it’s a great way to show the results of a lifetime of utilizing that logic.  Right now, it’s just an argument with a sibling, or trying to get out of doing extra chores, but, before you know it, it will mean standing in front of a judge and trying to explain how “there I was, just minding my own bidness, and there were these two dudes…” (thanks, Wendy, for the great example.)

God made us to love us and made us with free will so that we would choose to love Him.  When we choose to make excuses for our behavior and choose not to accept the consequences for our actions, we are robbing ourselves of the opportunity to reconcile these actions to God.  God forgives everything.  We do, however, have to confess our sins to Him.  You can’t do that if you’re thinking you never did anything wrong in the first place.  

Talk to your kids about bad choices and “getting locked up” and things like that.  If you drive by a police bust, talk about it, have your kids consider what that person may have done.  Talk about the fact that that person has probably made a series of bad choices that led up to them getting arrested and that those bad choices may have started out small and seemingly insignificant.  That’s how Satan sneaks into our lives, through a series of small, insignificant bad choices.  Then, sooner than you think, your staring at the world through bars…or worse.

Read the local news story about Christian Heritage and the Messages Project.

I recently had the pleasure to write a guest post for “Breaking Free.”  The blog for Covenant Eyes.  Please read this article on preparing our kids for life in today’s sexualized culture and take some time to peruse the site.  It’s a great way to safeguard your home against the growing onslaught of internet pornography.

Also, if you decide to sign up for their service, make sure you type “purelight” in the promo code box and you’ll receive 30 days FREE!

Have a great day and God bless.

—Jason.

It is important that we invite people into our homes and into our lives.  Having someone over for dinner can be a rewarding experience and an effective tool to reach out to others, sharing our faith and our time.  Think about when you have been invited over to someone’s house that you didn’t know very well for a barbeque or for Sunday dinner.    It’s a chance to get to know someone at a level we don’t get to otherwise, to live our lives together, share our burdens with each other and offer friendship in ways we can’t do in 15 minutes on Sunday morning.  

I also believe that God is pleased when we open our homes and offer hospitality.  We are commanded to offer hospitality without complaining,  practice hospitality, entertain strangers, break bread together and bear one another’s burdens.

As a family we love to have people over.  We love the anticipation of getting the house ready, creating a meal, planning an activity and waiting for the arrival of our guests.  We try to have someone over to our house a few times a month.  We have a goal of having some one new over about once a month.  At times we don’t meet this goal as other things take priority in our weeks and months but we still try.  I encourage you to invite someone over this week to share a meal with you.  Here are some tips and ideas to help you get started.  May God bless you and your homes.

• Decide with your spouse how often you’d like to have others over.  Set a goal, choose supper or lunch.
• Kids love to plan parties so have them join in the process.
• Keep it simple.  Easy meals that all will enjoy.  Don’t worry about having a huge, elaborate meal.
• Make sure you ask your guests about any food allergies/intolerances they may have. 
• If your guests ask if they can bring something, take them up on their offer.  
• Go pot luck style.  Have the other family bring what they would have made for their family and add it to your menu.
• Use paper plates.  
• Team up with another family.  Take turns hosting.
• Meet at a park for a picnic.
• Get together for dessert.
• Have a basket of conversation starters to pass around on the table to spark conversation.  

“Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.”

                                                                                                                                                            Hebrews 13:2

There’s many things I imagined myself doing.  Lawyer, professional ATV rider, furniture builder.   I’ve even thought of myself as a famous photographer, filmmaker, entrepreneur, maybe I would own a large company someday.   I never really thought much about being a father.  It never occurred to me to consider what it means, or takes, to be a father.  It doesn’t make much sense to consider the idea of being a father unless you consider your own.  It’s been about a year and a half since my father passed away.

Since then, I’ve been trying to figure out what he meant to me.   I loved him, for sure.   I miss him incredibly, but I’m not sure what he meant to me.  I look back in my memory and try to grab ahold of some semblance of comraderie, some specific time when we connected.   I remember him being there, but, for the life of me, I can’t recall many specific moments and it’s driving me crazy.

I wonder if there are other guys out there like me who try to remember moments with their dad when you just clicked.   Like the first time he talked to you about girls, or the first time he let you drive the family car.   Once in awhile, I remember little things.  I remember how loud he could whistle when I was up to bat in little league.  He would cheer so loudly, even though I was sure to strike out.  I was only in little league for one season.  He’d whistle and hoot.  I asked him to, quite honestly, because I didn’t really have a fan club and I wanted to hear cheers from the crowd when I stepped up to the plate.   I wasn’t much of an athelete and nobody really cared much when I was up to bat.  That lone season in little league was the extent of my baseball career and saw a shining first base hit as its pinnacle moment.  Too bad the next batter fouled out to end the inning.  Even though I’ve never crossed home plate, I felt pretty good about myself and I feel as though I hung up my bat and glove and retired from baseball in my prime.  In part, because my dad came to watch.

I remember how he taught me to drive.  We used to go out of town and drive on country roads on Sunday afternoons.   I used to love those drives.  I remember one time, not more than a quarter of a mile from home.  It was a blind left turn on a hill.   I was behind the wheel of his 1969 F-100.   Three on the tree and a worn out clutch.  You had to ease it up a bit to see if anyone was coming, then sort of stop, then go again if it was clear.   We must have sat at that intersection for an hour while I killed it over and over again.  I wanted to give up.   I wanted to walk home.  I wanted to do anything except make that left turn in front of me.  He was so patient.  He just kept telling me to try again.  I finally made it and when we got home I was mad for the rest of the day.

I guess that these seemingly “little” things are more important to me than I realize.  We got along well enough.   He was never too tough on my brother and I.  He always talked to us as equals.  It’s not like he was never there for me.   He was a good provider.   He worked hard.   He tried his hand at different businesses.   He studied English in college.  He ended his career working in a nuclear power plant running a machine that required an incredible amount of mathematical and technical skill.  The machine actually eliminated the radioactivity found in the water that was used to cool the fuel rods that powered the plant.   He was sort of a renaissance man, in his own way.   He was smart, but I don’t remember a passion.  I don’t remember a bright shining light in his eyes.  I know he loved my brother and I, I just don’t remember any all-consuming desire for anything, in particular.

I think a kid wants to look at his dad and see fire in his belly.   Fire for something.  The pumping fist kind of fire that makes you want to butt heads and go kill something.  I think that’s what I wanted to see.  It really wasn’t there.   However, somehow, over the years of my childhood, he inspired me.   Quietly and patiently, perhaps more so through his inaction rather than his actions, he pushed me to do more than he had done.  I love him for that, and I always will.

You’ll hear me say that a couple of times over the course of any given weekend.  My son, Isaac, likes to help fix stuff.  He’s got himself a tool box with all sorts of interesting things.  There’s a hammer, tape measure, a couple of screwdrivers, a pair of pliers, a head to a Star Wars lego jedi, some string, a Spiderman, a nickel and a piece of gum.  I love to hear him drop everything and shout “sure Dad!” when I call for him to grab this sordid collection of items and meet me somewhere in the house.

I’m not as handy as most guys around the house, but I have my moments.  Sometimes it’s just a loose knob on a cupboard, or a nail’s come up in the wood floor.  Sometimes it’s bigger like replacing the coupler on the laundry washer motor (you can do this, too!) or fixing the shower door.  Whatever it is, for at least the first five minutes, I can count on Isaac to give me a hand.  

It’s these silly little tasks that we have to do that are great opportunities to be a dad.  Grab one of your kids and head out for the hardware store.  Teach one how to hammer in a nail.  Destroy something together like an old desk that needs to be thrown out, or that lazy boy recliner from the basement that your wife has been wanting you to eliminate.  Take a child with you to do a mundane task that maybe you don’t even like to do and watch how fast that task turns into an adventure.

One thing that I do is I have a hook on the kitchen white board that has each child’s name hanging on it.   Every time I have an opportunity to take a child with me to do something, I look at who’s up on the hook.  I take that child and put their name to the back, rotating through all my kids that way.  This increases anticipation for the kids.  They know it’s just an errand, usually, and not a trip to Disneyland, but they love knowing that they’re next to go with Daddy.  Even if you only have  a couple of children, this works good for reducing arguments.  I also recommend only taking one child at a time.  Sure, there are times that you’ll need to take all of your kids, but seek out constantly those one-on-one moments with each child so that they get opportunities to open up to you.  Ask them questions while you’re looking for drain opener in aisle 8, or spraying for bugs around the foundation.  

Not only will you tie heart strings with your child, but they’ll pick up some valuable do-it-yourself knowledge as well.  Pretty soon, they’ll be tackling big jobs with you.  Hey, maybe even restore that old ’69 GTO you’ve always wanted!

My mother in law recently moved to where we live.  She is a widow, her husband, my husband’s father died suddenly almost two years ago.  She has been sad as anyone would be after losing the man she spent 40+ years with.  I can’t imagine but one day it may be my reality.  One day, if we use statistics as a guide, my husband may leave this earth before me leaving me here to take care of myself and wait for my turn to be with our Maker.  I am learning how to care for someone who has spent her life taking care of others.  She spent her life wiping noses, bottoms, working, worrying, caring for and caring over her children.  It is an art to not offend and offer help when none is needed but knowing when there is a need that I can meet.  I try to think two steps ahead and anticipate what her needs may be.

The dynamic of the relationship changes as our parents age and we as adult children need to recognize that it is hard for our parents to realize this shift.  They have spent their whole lives taking care of us.  Then all the sudden, in a moment sometimes, they are the ones in need of care. There needs to be a delicate balance of friendship, authority and caretaker.  I am learning that I need to be sensitive, considerate and, above all, patient.  God is really growing me through this new relationship.  My Mother-in-law and I are now shopping buddies and I am one of the few people she has in her life to talk to on a daily basis.  I consider it my responsibility to help her with anything she may need.

My children are watching.  They are watching to see how Mom handles this new situation.  I want them to watch and I want them to see how family cares for one another.  How we treat our elders.  Knowing that they are watching keeps me in check.  It helps me to remain patient and loving and to do what I say I am going to do.  

I love her and consider it an honor to get to help her and spend time with her.  I get to glean from her life experiences and my children get to have their grandma be an integral part of their lives.