My husband is a strong advocate for purity in our home.  He has taken steps to ensure purity in his own life and is actively teaching our children.  He has mentioned before in an earlier post that our sons know when to look away from certain billboards and certain establishments.  Well it occured to me the other day that our daughters need to have their eyes set on the prize as well.  They know that they too should turn their eyes from these same things but I don’t know if they know why.  While women do struggle with pornography, I would venture to guess that  women struggle more with being discontent.  Discontent with our spouse, our children’s behavior, our looks, our financial situation, our quality of life…well, you get the idea.

It seems almost daily we receive some sort of magazine, advertisment or catalog trying to sell us something.  My daughters have taken a liking to looking at these.  Harmless right?  As I was watching the little girls ooh and ahh over the latest dolls or the newest princess toys, it occurred to me how much discontent these items are bringing into our home and into the hearts of our children.  They were saying, “Oh Mommy isn’t this one lovely?”, “Do  you think Daddy will get me this one for   Christmas?”,  ”I don’t like this dolly (pointing to the one in her hand), I want this one! ”

Don’t we, as wives and mothers, do the same thing?  ”Her house is so much bigger, and she has it decorated so nicely, we need to do that to our house.”, “Look at the Jones’ new car!  Isn’t it beautiful?  Oh our car is fine, it’s not as pretty or as new but it’s fine.”, “Their kids are so obedient, they don’t have the same problems we do with our kids.”   “Wow, your husband took you on a trip for Valentine’s Day!”  These  statements may not sound like out and out discontent, but they are.  If we are comparing ourselves with others or comparing what we have to what others have it is the beginning of discontentedness.

I have found that if I don’t watch the home channels on TV, look through the ads in the Sunday paper or even peruse Craiglist the longing to have more or want more is lessened.  These things are like candy to my soul, they sweeten it for a time but in the end just make it rot, leaving me feeling empty and longing for more.  It isn’t feeding my soul like the water and nourishment I receive from God’s word, where I get filled up with a lasting food.

I challenge you (and myself), to fill yourselves with the real food of Jesus Christ and not with empty calories of this world.  Reading our bibles daily, more than once a day, and keeping our eyes on the prize, which is an eternity in heaven, where there’s nothing more to need, want or desire.

I walk and I run.  Not very far, not very fast but I do it.  I know it is good for me and good for my heart, I feel better so I keep  doing it.  I get up early before the house is a buzz and quietly tip toe out so that no one is disturbed.  This morning as I was walking to get started, listening to music I realized I was watching myself put one step in front of the other instead of looking up and watching where I was going.  Quickly I looked up to make sure I wasn’t about to run into anything but then unconsciously resumed looking only at the pavement right in front of me.  As I walked it made me think of my walk with the Lord.  There have been times in my life when all I can do is put one foot in front of the other, I need God to do the rest.  Right now is one of those times.  For one reason or another I am struggling.  Struggling to let go, struggling to be content, struggling with selfishness, struggling to keep satan’s lies at bay.

But I have to keep going.  Keep walking the walk.  I have a God who loves me and to show Him I love Him I want to be obedient.

⁶And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.

Walking in love.  My walk with the Lord needs to be in love, in obedience.

Different to walking, when I run my head is up, I don’t have time to look down at my feet.  I am constantly setting new goals for myself.  ”Make it to the next block”, “Get to the next stop light”, “The next tree, at least the next tree!”  In 2 Timothy he calls our christian walk a race that we run.  God knew that we’d be walking and staring at our feet at times and He knew that at times we’d be running head held high and setting goals.  When I run I need perseverance.  Being a Christian requires perseverance.  We’ve got to keep going, keep growing.

My little ones have a song that they learned in Sunday School the lyrics are this

Read your Bible pray everyday and you’ll grow, grow grow…

Don’t read your Bible, forget to pray and you’ll shrink, shrink, shrink…

Out of the mouths of babes comes the answers to my struggles and yours.

Have you sat down today and read your child a book?  did a puzzle or colored a picture?  Told your daughter how pretty she is in her tu-tu and tights?  Told your little guy how tough he looks when he hits that tree with his stick?  Your kids need you to be there and they need you to talk to them.  When our kids are small we get so tired of all the questions, all the “Why Mommy?’s” and the “How come?’s” that we often forget to answer them.  In a few years, if you don’t take the time to answer all these seemingly small questions, the bigger questions won’t be asked of you. They won’t trust you with their big questions.  They’ll think you don’t care or don’t have time to answer or don’t know the answer.  Who do you want answering the questions about sexual purity, about how to handle the catty girl fights, how to deal with a bully, about what is happening to their body, or about who God really is.

Take time today to build trust, earn their respect.  Give them your respect.  Engage in their lives.  Make life fun.  Find their hearts and reach out to them. Take your son with you when you go to change the tire or fix the washing machine.  Let your daughter help choose your outfit for  your date with your husband.  Spending time, lots of time, with them so that you can be there when the big questions are asked.

Tying heart strings with your child is so important.  It builds trust, respect and a relationship that you both are longing for that will last a life time.

My dad never got rid of anything and he was always prepared.  I remember he always kept a band-aid in his wallet.  I still have pretty much everything in the truck that dad had.  ”You never know” he’d say, “when you’re going to need something.”  In fact, I have all dad’s tools and more than once I’ve said to Cindy, “I bet dad has a fix for this!”  I’ll go out to the garage and dig around a little and come up with a plumb-bob or a finishing nail set or a battery post scrubber.  He never got rid of anything and he was always prepared.  I want to pass this on to my kids.  Only, I want to go one step further.  I want my kids to be prepared for anything God wants them to do.  I want them to prepare their hearts, their souls, for the spiritual battle that is in their future.  Dave Ramsey always says “Visa’s got a plan!”  Well, I say “Satan’s got a plan!”  He’s got a plan for ruining my family.  He’s going to try and use my vices, my weaknesses, my children’s naive hearts.  He’s going to try and steal their innocence through the TV and the internet.  I want them to have a plan, so I’d better have a plan.  In the past, at times, I’ve thought to myself, “You are not ready to be a father!”  But, that, too, is part of Satan’s plan.  He wants me to believe that I don’t deserve to be the father of these children.  The plan has ALWAYS been for me to have these children.  God’s plan has always been for me to raise them.  I just need to stick to the plan.  We all need to accept the ministry we have before us…our children.  Don’t make it a secondary task that takes a backseat to even the most noble callings.  His plan for you and your family will be revealed to you as you seek out guidance from the Holy Spirit.

Have a great day and God bless,
—Jason

I have the great opportunity to volunteer with a wonderful organization, Christian Heritage.  I am working on a new program they are implementing in the Nebraska Correctional System.  The strategy of the program is to offer an opportunity to inmates to talk for 15 minutes, on video, to their children.  Then, the videos are delivered to their families.  Inmates are encouraged to read books, discuss their days, ask the children questions, etc., in an effort to connect, or re-connect, with them.  The program is a “franchise” of the Messages Project.  The Messages Project was started by Carolyn LeCroy.  She came to Lincoln for three days to train our group on how to shoot these videos and work the program.  She has a big heart and is outspoken about the impact this program can have on the lives of the inmates and their children.  

During our first shoot at the Nebraska State Penitentiary, I was having a conversation with Carolyn, a volunteer and an inmate.  He was waiting to go in and shoot his video for his children.  Carolyn asked him what he did to get in jail…he said “B & E.”  She asked if it was drug related (as it most always is) and he said “No.  I had no choice, my family needed food and I had no job and I…”

She interrupted him, “Now wait a minute, that is criminal thinking.  You can’t think like that and expect to get paroled.  What do you think the parole board would say if you rationalized your crime like that to them?  The world doesn’t ‘owe’ you anything.  There are other ways to provide for your family other than breaking in to someone’s house and stealing.”  (This is a paraphrase.)  He kind of murmured and agreed.  It was an epiphany moment for me.  I see  a huge lesson for my kids and it wasn’t long before I could put it into action.

I’ve been having a few issues with my oldest boy.  He has been thinking like a criminal.  He’s constantly rationalizing his bad behavior.   He feels as though he is “entitled” to certain things.  So, I explained to him how that kind of thinking is what gets criminals into the habit of crime.

• “It’s not fair!”
• “They started it!”
• “I didn’t mean to hit him in the face, I just swung at him and that’s where it landed.  It’s not my fault!”
• Lying
• Cheating at games 

These, and more, are all examples of excuses you could hear in your kitchen, or from inmates at your local correctional facility.  The idea that your own actions are not the cause of the consequences you currently face is “criminal thinking.”  I tried my best to illustrate this for my kids because I think it’s a great way to show the results of a lifetime of utilizing that logic.  Right now, it’s just an argument with a sibling, or trying to get out of doing extra chores, but, before you know it, it will mean standing in front of a judge and trying to explain how “there I was, just minding my own bidness, and there were these two dudes…” (thanks, Wendy, for the great example.)

God made us to love us and made us with free will so that we would choose to love Him.  When we choose to make excuses for our behavior and choose not to accept the consequences for our actions, we are robbing ourselves of the opportunity to reconcile these actions to God.  God forgives everything.  We do, however, have to confess our sins to Him.  You can’t do that if you’re thinking you never did anything wrong in the first place.  

Talk to your kids about bad choices and “getting locked up” and things like that.  If you drive by a police bust, talk about it, have your kids consider what that person may have done.  Talk about the fact that that person has probably made a series of bad choices that led up to them getting arrested and that those bad choices may have started out small and seemingly insignificant.  That’s how Satan sneaks into our lives, through a series of small, insignificant bad choices.  Then, sooner than you think, your staring at the world through bars…or worse.

Read the local news story about Christian Heritage and the Messages Project.

It is important that we invite people into our homes and into our lives.  Having someone over for dinner can be a rewarding experience and an effective tool to reach out to others, sharing our faith and our time.  Think about when you have been invited over to someone’s house that you didn’t know very well for a barbeque or for Sunday dinner.    It’s a chance to get to know someone at a level we don’t get to otherwise, to live our lives together, share our burdens with each other and offer friendship in ways we can’t do in 15 minutes on Sunday morning.  

I also believe that God is pleased when we open our homes and offer hospitality.  We are commanded to offer hospitality without complaining,  practice hospitality, entertain strangers, break bread together and bear one another’s burdens.

As a family we love to have people over.  We love the anticipation of getting the house ready, creating a meal, planning an activity and waiting for the arrival of our guests.  We try to have someone over to our house a few times a month.  We have a goal of having some one new over about once a month.  At times we don’t meet this goal as other things take priority in our weeks and months but we still try.  I encourage you to invite someone over this week to share a meal with you.  Here are some tips and ideas to help you get started.  May God bless you and your homes.

• Decide with your spouse how often you’d like to have others over.  Set a goal, choose supper or lunch.
• Kids love to plan parties so have them join in the process.
• Keep it simple.  Easy meals that all will enjoy.  Don’t worry about having a huge, elaborate meal.
• Make sure you ask your guests about any food allergies/intolerances they may have. 
• If your guests ask if they can bring something, take them up on their offer.  
• Go pot luck style.  Have the other family bring what they would have made for their family and add it to your menu.
• Use paper plates.  
• Team up with another family.  Take turns hosting.
• Meet at a park for a picnic.
• Get together for dessert.
• Have a basket of conversation starters to pass around on the table to spark conversation.  

“Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.”

                                                                                                                                                            Hebrews 13:2

Ever have those days when nothing seems to go the way you want them to?  Yeah?  Me too!  What really bothers me is that I had a plan, ya know.  I knew exactly what needed to get done and how I was going to accomplish it.  I knew what order I was going to do these tasks and the precise amount of time it should have taken me to get them done.  Then…reality set in.  The kids came flying through the door with mud on their shoes, on their jeans and in their hair?  Everyone was fighting and somebody smelled.  So I had to address these issues which, of course, set all my plans into a tizzy.  

My plans aren’t always God’s plans for my day.  I didn’t take the time that morning to surrender my day to Him and have His will reign over my time.  He knows what needs to get done better than I, what order they need to be done in and how much time they should take.  So much better is His plan, if only, if only I would get myself out of the way, I could see it.  

Tomorrow will be different.  I will start my day where I should, on my knees, asking My Lord to reign over my schedule. Asking Him to be Lord of my life and my days, and when the day is done, I can see all that I accomplished, even if nothing is checked off of my list.  His list is so much more important.

Ephesians 6:18  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.

Recently, I had an experience that shook me up quite a bit.  I am a huge advocate for purity as it has been a struggle of mine.  I have Covenant Eyes installed on my office computers and home computers as well.  Covenant Eyes is software that reports all of your online activity to “Accountability Partners” that you designate.  An email report is generated at regular intervals that allows your APs to check up on your online activity.  Very detailed reports.  Well, one of my APs today sent me an alarming, yet open-minded email making me aware of some indecent searches carried out on one of my computers.

I revealed this discovery to my wife immediately and began to investigate.  Several searches were made on lewd terms on one of my computers.  It was horrifying!  I felt a suspectful eye on me immediately.  It wasn’t from my wife or my APs.  It was from God.  I know I didn’t committ those searches.  It turns out they were made by malicious spyware I am in the process of removing from my computer with a scan as we speak.  However, it really made me think.  What if there was software that reported on my thought life activity?  What if detailed reports were generated on everything I let into my brain?  I hardly think I could blame “malicious spyware” for what those reports may say.

I would like to encourage you to consider the impact your thought life and struggles have on your wife and children.  You might think that your struggles with pornography or online gambling don’t have any bearing on your kids because they “don’t know.”  But the fact is, these things that you let occupy your mind leave little room for God or your family.  Your God, your marriage relationship and your children need to have your thoughts if they are to have your heart as well.

TIPS:

Put a photo of your wife and/or kids on your computer desktop.  Get online accountability.  Never, ever, ever delete your history.  Talk about it with your wife and get some accountability partners that you can relate to in terms of this struggle.  The book “Every Man’s Battle” by Stephen Arteburn has been a great resource for me.  If you need help with sexual addiction or would like more information, a great resource is www.joedallas.com.  I pray that you seek help if you should need it.  And if you don’t think you need it, please re-examine your thought life and make sure, as we deceive ourselves first.  God bless.

Hi, my name is Jason Nabb.  My wife, Cindy and I are knee-deep in raising six kids and loving it.  It’s hard.  Let’s face it, it’s really hard sometimes.  We are constantly on the lookout for information and help regarding the best way to instill our Christian values in our children.  We’ll be posting information here on child training, health, homeschooling and more as well as plenty of personal struggles along the way.  Thank you so much for your time and we hope your time here at PurelightParenting.com is well spent.  God bless your family.