My husband is a strong advocate for purity in our home.  He has taken steps to ensure purity in his own life and is actively teaching our children.  He has mentioned before in an earlier post that our sons know when to look away from certain billboards and certain establishments.  Well it occured to me the other day that our daughters need to have their eyes set on the prize as well.  They know that they too should turn their eyes from these same things but I don’t know if they know why.  While women do struggle with pornography, I would venture to guess that  women struggle more with being discontent.  Discontent with our spouse, our children’s behavior, our looks, our financial situation, our quality of life…well, you get the idea.

It seems almost daily we receive some sort of magazine, advertisment or catalog trying to sell us something.  My daughters have taken a liking to looking at these.  Harmless right?  As I was watching the little girls ooh and ahh over the latest dolls or the newest princess toys, it occurred to me how much discontent these items are bringing into our home and into the hearts of our children.  They were saying, “Oh Mommy isn’t this one lovely?”, “Do  you think Daddy will get me this one for   Christmas?”,  ”I don’t like this dolly (pointing to the one in her hand), I want this one! ”

Don’t we, as wives and mothers, do the same thing?  ”Her house is so much bigger, and she has it decorated so nicely, we need to do that to our house.”, “Look at the Jones’ new car!  Isn’t it beautiful?  Oh our car is fine, it’s not as pretty or as new but it’s fine.”, “Their kids are so obedient, they don’t have the same problems we do with our kids.”   “Wow, your husband took you on a trip for Valentine’s Day!”  These  statements may not sound like out and out discontent, but they are.  If we are comparing ourselves with others or comparing what we have to what others have it is the beginning of discontentedness.

I have found that if I don’t watch the home channels on TV, look through the ads in the Sunday paper or even peruse Craiglist the longing to have more or want more is lessened.  These things are like candy to my soul, they sweeten it for a time but in the end just make it rot, leaving me feeling empty and longing for more.  It isn’t feeding my soul like the water and nourishment I receive from God’s word, where I get filled up with a lasting food.

I challenge you (and myself), to fill yourselves with the real food of Jesus Christ and not with empty calories of this world.  Reading our bibles daily, more than once a day, and keeping our eyes on the prize, which is an eternity in heaven, where there’s nothing more to need, want or desire.

I ran into a old school friend of mine the other day in the parking lot after shopping with my daughter.  We stood and chatted for a while and inevitably the questions come up;  “How many kids do you have now?” And, “Wow, you have six, what are their ages?  Oh, so how many are in school, then?”  Then she found out that we homeschool.  In my experience, this either intrigues people or they are ready to walk away.  She was neither fully engaged in the conversation nor standing outside of it.  We chatted a bit more about it and she made a comment that we (meaning her and I) survived public school.  This got me to thinking.  I want my kids to do more than just survive.   I want my kids to succeed, to have the better than I had, to make learning a lifestyle.

As homeschoolers, we have to fill out paperwork to register with the state.  In that paper work, we have to declare what hours our kids will be “attending school.”  In our school, we feel that learning takes place from the time we wake to the time we go to bed.  You never know when a “teachable moment” will happen.  We have had math lessons at 10 pm and we have had history lessons at 8 am.  Even bad dreams in the middle of the night provide opportunity to teach.  You have to take those moments when the questions arise or something happens in life that you can use to teach.  Use those moments, as well, to teach and train in character as well as facts.

There are many reasons why we homeschool but one of the top reasons is to create life long learners.  We desire to have our children be people that, throughout their life, will enjoy learning and know where to go to find out information and look back at their education as one of the greatest times in their lives.

No matter your educational decisions for your children I encourage you to have them do more than “survive.”  Take the time to get to know their likes, dislikes, learning styles  and their strengths and weaknesses.  Whether they’re in public school or your dining room every day, they are depending on you to help them learn how to learn.  You are in the best position to influence their learning style.

I received an “offer” from a health insurance company today.  I applied a couple of weeks ago through my financial advisor for a new health insurance policy because the premiums were going up on my existing plan.  I remember sitting there with him and saying, “okay, so, basically, they raise the premium every year on all of their clients and don’t offer them the opportunity to change their coverage.  It’s ‘take it or leave it?’”  ”Yep.” He said.  So, I said, “so, you have to apply with another company, fill out all the paperwork, give the blood, wait for them to pour over your records and then take whatever the new company offers?”  ”Yep.” He said again.  So I said, “Well, what if they just didn’t raise the premiums every year and saved all the man hours it takes (for the insurance co. and for me) to go through this process annually.  Would they maintain their profit margins just by saving trees and labor?”  ”Yep.  Probably.”  He said.  ”If you just sign here, I can get the ball rolling.”

So, I get the call today that my health and the health of one of my sons have “exclusion riders” written into the policy.  So, there are conditions in our health that the new policy won’t cover (it doesn’t really cover much now anyway.)  I could go on and on, but I’m sure my story is not the most heart breaking one ever told.  To me, it’s been very annoying.

I got fed up and I called an organization that I had looked into several years ago, but, regrettably, never participated.  It’s called Samaritan Ministries.  It’s really great and I think my wife and I are going to take a leap of faith and get involved.  What they do is organize Christians so that they can help support needs of the body directly.  You have a monthly committment and each month the organization sends you a notice of a need somewhere in the body and you’re to send your monthly committment directly to that person or family, along with prayers.  Then, if you have a need, you apply for it to be met and they do the same for you.  It’s refreshing to see this non-profit working to help Christians support each other.  I highly recommend you look into it.

I walk and I run.  Not very far, not very fast but I do it.  I know it is good for me and good for my heart, I feel better so I keep  doing it.  I get up early before the house is a buzz and quietly tip toe out so that no one is disturbed.  This morning as I was walking to get started, listening to music I realized I was watching myself put one step in front of the other instead of looking up and watching where I was going.  Quickly I looked up to make sure I wasn’t about to run into anything but then unconsciously resumed looking only at the pavement right in front of me.  As I walked it made me think of my walk with the Lord.  There have been times in my life when all I can do is put one foot in front of the other, I need God to do the rest.  Right now is one of those times.  For one reason or another I am struggling.  Struggling to let go, struggling to be content, struggling with selfishness, struggling to keep satan’s lies at bay.

But I have to keep going.  Keep walking the walk.  I have a God who loves me and to show Him I love Him I want to be obedient.

⁶And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.

Walking in love.  My walk with the Lord needs to be in love, in obedience.

Different to walking, when I run my head is up, I don’t have time to look down at my feet.  I am constantly setting new goals for myself.  ”Make it to the next block”, “Get to the next stop light”, “The next tree, at least the next tree!”  In 2 Timothy he calls our christian walk a race that we run.  God knew that we’d be walking and staring at our feet at times and He knew that at times we’d be running head held high and setting goals.  When I run I need perseverance.  Being a Christian requires perseverance.  We’ve got to keep going, keep growing.

My little ones have a song that they learned in Sunday School the lyrics are this

Read your Bible pray everyday and you’ll grow, grow grow…

Don’t read your Bible, forget to pray and you’ll shrink, shrink, shrink…

Out of the mouths of babes comes the answers to my struggles and yours.

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Well, last week we finally paid off our last credit card!  Hallelujah!  It was so great to hit “Pay Now” on the last payment.  I was at work one morning and looking over things, and I realized that if I just move this money here and squeeze a bit more out of the budget, we could knock out our last payment.

I’m not bragging.  I’m writing this more to encourage me as I just had a meeting with my health insurance guy.  It’s hard to see that bill climb an extra $100/month.  I’m hoping to encourage myself and you with this victory over debt.  We still have some school loans to work on and some medical bills, but with this payment, we are consumer debt free!  It’s hard to lose sight of the goal when you’re in the trenches counting your dollars and trying to get ahead.

If you haven’t considered your financial situation, your debt and how you honor God with your money…you should.  Dave Ramsey is a great resource.  If you feel like you’re in over your head, start small.  Line up your debts and pay the smallest one off first.  That way you’re encouraged to continue.  Roll over the money you were spending on that debt into the next one, and so on.  Stick with it!  Dave says “You need a plan…Visa has a plan.  That’s why they have your money!  I’m a big fan of Dave Ramsey and can tell you, when we’ve stuck to the plan, it’s worked!

We’re reducing our household stuff, selling off unnecessary items and things like that.  It’s tight…it’s been tight for awhile, but we’re getting there.  We’re getting ready for a garage sale.  It’s good for the kids, I think, to see us simplify our lives and put material things in their place.  ”It’s just stuff,” I tell them.  We dine heartily on beans and rice regularly and try to, as Dave says, “Live like no one else, so you can live like no one else.”

I have to say, though.  Sometimes, it feels like we’re not getting anywhere.  There’s times when we get a bit ahead (like right now) and then BLAM!  We’re hit with some expense that knocks you’re feet right out from under you.  It can be really frustrating.  We are very thankful that we can chip away at our debt and we are praying for guidance always.  I found a great article focusing on five verses in the bible about money.  It’s a blog article on, what I think, is a pretty good site.  It’s called Christian Personal Finance.

Have you sat down today and read your child a book?  did a puzzle or colored a picture?  Told your daughter how pretty she is in her tu-tu and tights?  Told your little guy how tough he looks when he hits that tree with his stick?  Your kids need you to be there and they need you to talk to them.  When our kids are small we get so tired of all the questions, all the “Why Mommy?’s” and the “How come?’s” that we often forget to answer them.  In a few years, if you don’t take the time to answer all these seemingly small questions, the bigger questions won’t be asked of you. They won’t trust you with their big questions.  They’ll think you don’t care or don’t have time to answer or don’t know the answer.  Who do you want answering the questions about sexual purity, about how to handle the catty girl fights, how to deal with a bully, about what is happening to their body, or about who God really is.

Take time today to build trust, earn their respect.  Give them your respect.  Engage in their lives.  Make life fun.  Find their hearts and reach out to them. Take your son with you when you go to change the tire or fix the washing machine.  Let your daughter help choose your outfit for  your date with your husband.  Spending time, lots of time, with them so that you can be there when the big questions are asked.

Tying heart strings with your child is so important.  It builds trust, respect and a relationship that you both are longing for that will last a life time.

So, I was in church on Sunday.  It’s been three weeks since I was sitting in church.  I was starting to get comfortable with the idea of not going, which is bad.  I’m a little detached from the church that’s been my home for the last ten years.  My family has been serving at an Hispanic congregation for about 2 years now and that obligation is also changing, so, we have found ourselves unattached to a church body.  I’m not worried about this for various reasons I’ll get into in another post, but, suffice it to say, God is taking care of us and watching over us always.

Well, I was listening to the sermon and I had one of my kids on my knee (Ashley, I think) and I was constantly getting attention from the little boy in front of me.  He’s a really cute little guy with a big smile and lots of joy in his heart.  At least, that’s how he was that morning.  As soon as I caught his eye I gave him a little cross-eyed stare.  I can’t resist trying to make kids smile.  So, we were trading crazy glances (much to his grandma’s shegrin) and I suddenly realized I was probably distracting others from the sermon, so I stopped.  Of course, the flood gates were opened and he kept trying to get my attention.  Leaning this way and that, chattering and such, trying to get me to smile back at him.  I wanted, desperately, to grab him up and play with him because, I’m pretty sure, his father is not around.  I know his mother and her family are doing everything that they can to raise this little guy, and they’re doing a great job.  They love him, they teach him.  My heart goes out to him because as much as they try, there is one thing I’m afraid they’re going to have difficulty with…and that’s teaching him how to be a man.

I can tell this little guy wants to wrestle around and grunt and smash stuff and hang out with the guys and do all the “dude” stuff that little men need to do.  That’s important, but more so, I see him ten years from now, confused, upset, struggling with manhood and trying to define his masculinity.  Boys need a man to show them how to be a man, it’s that simple.  If you want to learn how to be an electrician, you don’t spend your time with a plumber.  God has designed man and woman for very specific roles in the family and there’s just some things one can’t do that the other can.  I am not judging anyone, especially not the mother, or any other single parent.  I am making the observation that this young man and many others like him are  missing a vital part of their childhood development.

So, what’s the solution?  I hate blogs and articles that love to point out the problem and poo-poo those responsible.  I’m not saying I’ve got the solution for everything wrong with relationships and children without both parents, but I have an action step for you guys out there (and for myself.)  If you’re a guy out there, find a kid that needs you!  This will probably be easier if you are married and have kids of your own because you don’t want to freak out the mom, but every situation is different.  Find a child that needs a father figure and be it for them.  This isn’t as easy as I’m making it sound.  There’s a lot of committment and it’s very important that you don’t do it half-way.  Your church probably has father-son outings or retreats or something.  If you’re taking your boy/s, then offer to take another one.  It’s not that hard (take it from me, I’ve got six kids) to add a kid to whatever you’re doing.  If you’re hanging out at home, invite a little guy to come over and hang out with you and your kids.  Everyday you are modeling how to be a man to your children, you may as well add a child that doesn’t have that experience as often as you can.  I’m sure you won’t have to reach far into your social network to find a child that desperately needs a father figure.  So, man up and get into the lives of the children in your community.

I’ve got one last word for the men who father these children (I’m sure this won’t get read by too many of you, but if you happen to find yourself here reading this, then consider it divine intervention,) the generational implications of your lustful desires and poor judgment are far-reaching and very difficult to reverse.  You can repent of your sin and work to make your child’s life better.  You may have made mistakes in the past, but you are capable of turning around your life and your child’s!

So, tonite I got to go on a date with my wife.  I love her perspective so much, but before I spend the whole post gushing over my beautiful bride (which I could easily do) I want to talk about something she said tonite.

“You’re really good at starting things…you should focus on that,” she said.  She was encouraging me to focus on my strengths.  I was driving down the road.  It reminded me of learning to drive with my dad back when I was 12.  I love the sound of a rock road under my tires.  We went for a ride out in the country to a piece of land that idealizes one of our goals as a family.  We would like to live in the country where each kid could have an acre of their own to roam.  At first, it wasn’t too much to ask, but with six of the wonderful little blessings, it’s a bit more of a challenge!  We were talking about finances and getting out of debt and how it seems sometimes like such a long road and it’s hard to tell if we’re getting anywhere.  Anyway, I struggle with a bad case of the can’t-seem-to-finish-what-I-starts.  It’s nothing new.  In fact, it’s a skill I’ve perfected over the past couple of decades.  Cindy is always looking at how to best use what she’s been given.  As a mother of 6 and a husband of me, she finds herself having to do that a lot!  Seriously, though, she is very positive and resourceful, especially when it comes to my abilities and skills.  She really knows how to encourage me to do my best.  That’s what she was doing with that statement.

Here I was getting myself down because I can’t seem to finish things.  We both recognize that I’m great at starting a family (6 kids, remember?) and the potential hazard my affliction holds for us if I don’t work on this and end up “not finishing” as a father.  I don’t want to get to the home stretch and run out of steam on little Sammy or Petey (that’s my little girl).  My youngest children deserve every bit of my attention as a father as the rest.  Not only do they deserve it, but the need it.

I look at all the things I want to do with my business, with ministries.  I picture myself writing books, getting involved in politics, making films or using my photography to make some profound artistic statement.  All of these things are constantly bombarding my brain and asking for my attention.  All the while, Isaac, my wonderful little guy, is tugging at me asking to play a game or read with him, or play Transformers or just wrestle around.  He needs me.  I believe Satan is distracting me with, seemingly, legitimate ideas, goals and missions.  I need to remember that my focus needs to be Isaac and his “distracting” requests.  If I can focus on my children and help them to know the Lord and succeed in keeping them on the path, then I will reap rewards much greater than I can imagine.  Life changing rewards that my family will experience for generations to come.

My children are not older yet, but now is a great opportunity for me to focus on the road ahead and finishing what I started.  If there is anything on this earth I want to finish…

My dad never got rid of anything and he was always prepared.  I remember he always kept a band-aid in his wallet.  I still have pretty much everything in the truck that dad had.  ”You never know” he’d say, “when you’re going to need something.”  In fact, I have all dad’s tools and more than once I’ve said to Cindy, “I bet dad has a fix for this!”  I’ll go out to the garage and dig around a little and come up with a plumb-bob or a finishing nail set or a battery post scrubber.  He never got rid of anything and he was always prepared.  I want to pass this on to my kids.  Only, I want to go one step further.  I want my kids to be prepared for anything God wants them to do.  I want them to prepare their hearts, their souls, for the spiritual battle that is in their future.  Dave Ramsey always says “Visa’s got a plan!”  Well, I say “Satan’s got a plan!”  He’s got a plan for ruining my family.  He’s going to try and use my vices, my weaknesses, my children’s naive hearts.  He’s going to try and steal their innocence through the TV and the internet.  I want them to have a plan, so I’d better have a plan.  In the past, at times, I’ve thought to myself, “You are not ready to be a father!”  But, that, too, is part of Satan’s plan.  He wants me to believe that I don’t deserve to be the father of these children.  The plan has ALWAYS been for me to have these children.  God’s plan has always been for me to raise them.  I just need to stick to the plan.  We all need to accept the ministry we have before us…our children.  Don’t make it a secondary task that takes a backseat to even the most noble callings.  His plan for you and your family will be revealed to you as you seek out guidance from the Holy Spirit.

Have a great day and God bless,
—Jason