By Jason Nabb

So, I was in church on Sunday.  It’s been three weeks since I was sitting in church.  I was starting to get comfortable with the idea of not going, which is bad.  I’m a little detached from the church that’s been my home for the last ten years.  My family has been serving at an Hispanic congregation for about 2 years now and that obligation is also changing, so, we have found ourselves unattached to a church body.  I’m not worried about this for various reasons I’ll get into in another post, but, suffice it to say, God is taking care of us and watching over us always.

Well, I was listening to the sermon and I had one of my kids on my knee (Ashley, I think) and I was constantly getting attention from the little boy in front of me.  He’s a really cute little guy with a big smile and lots of joy in his heart.  At least, that’s how he was that morning.  As soon as I caught his eye I gave him a little cross-eyed stare.  I can’t resist trying to make kids smile.  So, we were trading crazy glances (much to his grandma’s shegrin) and I suddenly realized I was probably distracting others from the sermon, so I stopped.  Of course, the flood gates were opened and he kept trying to get my attention.  Leaning this way and that, chattering and such, trying to get me to smile back at him.  I wanted, desperately, to grab him up and play with him because, I’m pretty sure, his father is not around.  I know his mother and her family are doing everything that they can to raise this little guy, and they’re doing a great job.  They love him, they teach him.  My heart goes out to him because as much as they try, there is one thing I’m afraid they’re going to have difficulty with…and that’s teaching him how to be a man.

I can tell this little guy wants to wrestle around and grunt and smash stuff and hang out with the guys and do all the “dude” stuff that little men need to do.  That’s important, but more so, I see him ten years from now, confused, upset, struggling with manhood and trying to define his masculinity.  Boys need a man to show them how to be a man, it’s that simple.  If you want to learn how to be an electrician, you don’t spend your time with a plumber.  God has designed man and woman for very specific roles in the family and there’s just some things one can’t do that the other can.  I am not judging anyone, especially not the mother, or any other single parent.  I am making the observation that this young man and many others like him are  missing a vital part of their childhood development.

So, what’s the solution?  I hate blogs and articles that love to point out the problem and poo-poo those responsible.  I’m not saying I’ve got the solution for everything wrong with relationships and children without both parents, but I have an action step for you guys out there (and for myself.)  If you’re a guy out there, find a kid that needs you!  This will probably be easier if you are married and have kids of your own because you don’t want to freak out the mom, but every situation is different.  Find a child that needs a father figure and be it for them.  This isn’t as easy as I’m making it sound.  There’s a lot of committment and it’s very important that you don’t do it half-way.  Your church probably has father-son outings or retreats or something.  If you’re taking your boy/s, then offer to take another one.  It’s not that hard (take it from me, I’ve got six kids) to add a kid to whatever you’re doing.  If you’re hanging out at home, invite a little guy to come over and hang out with you and your kids.  Everyday you are modeling how to be a man to your children, you may as well add a child that doesn’t have that experience as often as you can.  I’m sure you won’t have to reach far into your social network to find a child that desperately needs a father figure.  So, man up and get into the lives of the children in your community.

I’ve got one last word for the men who father these children (I’m sure this won’t get read by too many of you, but if you happen to find yourself here reading this, then consider it divine intervention,) the generational implications of your lustful desires and poor judgment are far-reaching and very difficult to reverse.  You can repent of your sin and work to make your child’s life better.  You may have made mistakes in the past, but you are capable of turning around your life and your child’s!